I know I'll get through this since I've been here before, dealing with a breakup and the sadness that someone you love is killing themselves that is, but nighttime is the hardest for sure. My BF of 5 plus years is an oxycodone addict (and any other opiate) and they have taken over his mind, body, soul. The last months have been positive, happy, and then once again it begins. I see the distance in him, the pinpoint pupils, the hyper or hostile attitude, odd behavior, and then sleeping alot. Then once again I am nothing and I start telling him I can tell he has used and he denies denies denies. I took a different road then usual home the other day and happened to see him walking higher than a kite (he looks more like he is on a stimulant when he does oxys)when he said he was at his moms. He couldn't be happier to literally walk around high doing completely nothing or hanging at peoples houses to get high while I sit and deal with the reality of life..bills, school, and work. The only reason I let him back into our home was with his new charges he was making courtdates regularly and volunteered to take drugcourt (heavy monitoring, UAs, and treatment or he would do jailtime) instead of awaiting trial. He has also been calling treatment rescources trying to figure out how to get on the opiate blocker IM shot vivitrol. I know he wants to be clean but the cravings are still too much. I thought this was a step in the right direction. I have been living on pins and needles, asleep with one eye open, watching my possessions ect.. its a horrible way to live.. with zero trust for someone. He has stole from me and broke my heart so much in the past. I had a feeling there was going to be a relapse this week.
In the past 2 years he has totaled 2 vehicles (one was my car he took without permission and I was financially liable for the accident)and crashed another which is locked in the garage and keys are hidden, he was found unconscious overdosed on morphine on a sidewalk by a citizen and was ambulanced and admitted to the hospital 2 months ago, been found asleep behind the wheel and wokeup in a crisis mental health center, wokeup at other odd places like an alleyway and had a "spiderbite" which turned into an infectious boil on his arm (Dr. at the ER told me it wasn't from injecting drugs) been to detox 3times, and two inpatient treatments. I could go on and on. Clearly he is not safe to drive and I work hard at making sure he has no access to the vehicles, so pathetic. He gets a ride from me to court appoint ect.., or scrapes up bus money.There was one missing key to the truck lingering around somewhere that was making me suspicious. I know him all too well. I came home yesterday at an unexpected time and found the truck gone. I was livid. So, here I get stuck playing his sick games. I hid my car so he wouldn't think I was home and just as I expected he came home and parked the truck in the garage 10 minutes before my usual expected time to be home. I talked to the elderly man next door and found out he had the elderly man let him "borrow" money and had him drive him to the dope house the day before while he ran in real quick. Is this for real? Yes it is. Needless to say things got violent and loud when he got home on my end not his. I kicked him out as I was now putting myself at risk of going to jail if he stayed any longer. I felt out of control as he has cost me a lot of money from previous accidents and impound charges and I was so pissed off that he basically stole the truck and snuck it but the police will not consider it stolen as I have tried to report in the past. UUUUGGHH!! DRAMA!! He left and was probably happy to say F it and go get high. Now more games as he is calling me from blocked numbers saying nothing but "i love you" or "I'm okay" and hangingup. So here is where I'm at... I'm in a two year lease and I want to pack but it would be more financial loss. I feel as long as I'm sitting in "our" house with his belongings here he feels I will be predictable, reliable, responsible me here like a sitting duck for him to know where I'm at while he lives his secret life. Also, his belongings.. what do I do to let him know its serious ,if I pack them what do I do with them? I was thinking of making a deadline of a date he can arrange to pick them up by. And...he is on conditions to be out of jail, the court will be calling me next week to do there regular check to confirm if he is still living at my address. I want him to start the drug court/treatment next week not just go to jail with no help. I want to know if the courts are aware of his opiate addiction or is he lying on the assessments and down playing it as his previous arrest for DUI they think was alcohol only. I'm not sure if they know the real extent of his addiction. Should I care? I no I shouldn't but I don't want to be making funeral arrangements either. We went to his step dads funeral last year when he overdosed on heroin and I don't want it to be him next. Just thinking outloud. Rambling.
Sorry if this is so random and out of order and doesn't makes sense.