I am struggling so bad. Although I'm in a new relationship, I feel so much grief, I can't sleep. I feel so much guilt that I left, then that maybe I should have searched for more help, then I feel guilty for being so sad infront of my partner( who has been amazing) I wonder if I'd be able to do the same for him if this situation were the other way around.
I feel guilty that I can't protect my daughter, that I should have. That she shouldn't have been his main carer, although she so loving I couldnt have kept her away if I'd have tried. She's always been his carer if I think about it, looking back I remember hearing her little feet running along the landing at 6 years old, checking on her dad because he was drunk downstairs, I'd ask what she was doing and she was checking if the cooker was turned off, or the door was locked, even though I'd done this she still checked. Yesterday she told me that she used to sit at her window and try to wait for him to come in so she could rest and sleep, she also confessed that this past year when I have asked her to come out for a day trip or weekend away that she refused because what if she was out having fun and her dad would have died. I'm gutted,heartbroken what did I do to her, I should have took her away from this worry years ago, I thought I was doing the best thing for her because she loved him so much. I used to live him, over time he took that away with the way he treated me. I always cared tho, and I did love him in a different way, just not I love either him for about 10 years but I still stayed. Why? I really can't cope, and I don't know what to do