You know, the one thing I will say though, with the kids being forced to spend time with their dad? I've never said a bad word about him to them. I've never had to. They were able to make up their own minds about what relationship they wanted with him.
I've heard other moms say -- whose exes didn't want anything to do with the kids -- that the hardest thing for them is to feel taken for granted, and to see how the kids idolize the absent dad. It's like they have such a need for him that they make up this imaginary wonderful dad that their mom is (somehow) preventing them from being with.
One of my friends had her daughter demand to move to her dad's house instead. Told Mom that she had talked to her dad and he was excited she wanted to live with him, but that he didn't want to talk to the Mom about it. Turns out the kid lied -- she showed up at her dad's doorstep with a bunch of dreams and a suitcase and he told her to go to hell.
There's never an easy way here. And I think with all the stuff you have in your back pocket, things may change once you actually get to go to court.