Stress
I will be 34 on Saturday. Sometimes I feel like I have wasted my life. I spent much of my 20s hiding in my room, drinking and "studying" and afraid of everything. I don't know what. These days I just feel like "*** this".
I am 3 months sober since 12th October.
My brother keeps e-mailing me about wedding plans. They are getting married on NYE. He says I give good advice and he keeps asking "will so-and-so be upset if we invite xyz person?" I have already had one aunt tell me she's not going if one particular person is going. All that's going on in my head is "not my circus, not my monkeys". Today I just told him "it's your special day. Invite whoever you want and to hell with everyone else". I have started saying "I don't know who they invited. We'll find out on the day".
There is two and a half months to go and I am stressed about it. My mom is coming home by the end of the month and I guess I'm worrying about that too.
Today I got "the plan"...family photos at 2:00, church at 3:00 and dinner at 6:30. I hate weddings. Making polite small talk with strangers. And then the dancing and people drinking...ugh.
I mean really, will all this matter in 6 months time? I don't think so.
Thanks for letting me rant!!