Killer....I understand ...I have been there...just a few days ago. Horrible and out of control feeling. I've been going thru this for months with my on again/off again (his choice) AXBF. I say X because maybe this time it is final.....perhaps my choice. What a concept. I am ok now but don't know if I will go in that horrible place again tonight. Something triggers it and it is just horrible. I understand.....if that helps to know others go thru it.