killerinstinct

This pain is never ending.. I miss him and wonder what he's doing... Wonder if he's sad like me.. Wonder if he cares.. Wonder if he really is an alcoholic.. And feel Very angry and emotional.. And then out of no where I get a voice message and hear him (I'm certain it was him) rehearsing lines in the back ground with his acting friends.. My hearts bleeding all over the place. I hate my life.

redatlanta

Killer are you attending any sort of therapy or support groups?

I am sorry you have such continued pain. What can we do here to help you through this?

dandylion

Killerinstinct....I can remember feeling like this after a break-up. The pain was so intense and felt all-incompassing. It would come in waves.
It feels almost identical to the grief after the death of a loved one.

I think there is a fear that the pain will swallow us up and will never go away. That it will end us.
But, that doesn't happen...I found out..LOL.
The pain comes and feels intense and, then passes over. It does not end us.

This sadness and longing is the actual first step of the eventual healing process. There is no way around it. We suffer our way through it.

Go ahead and feel...go ahead and cry...and feel the emotions. Shout..scream....talk about it. Write about it, maybe. But----get it out.

I can promise you that it will not always feel like this....

dandylion

sunday9

Killer....I understand ...I have been there...just a few days ago. Horrible and out of control feeling. I've been going thru this for months with my on again/off again (his choice) AXBF. I say X because maybe this time it is final.....perhaps my choice. What a concept. I am ok now but don't know if I will go in that horrible place again tonight. Something triggers it and it is just horrible. I understand.....if that helps to know others go thru it.

BrokenInPieces

I could have written this myself.

Went to the store last night to pick up a few things. I see other couples out, together, doing their mundane errands - but together. And I missed him, like I do every day, but more in that moment. I cried the whole way home.

Absolutely everything reminds me of him. And I can't help but think I made a mistake.... and the "what ifs" take over.

Sending you a hug. Cuz I know how much it hurts. But we'll get through it - one day at a time.

lillamy

Killer, you know what I think would be helpful? This is from one of your earlier posts:

Go back and read the documents you sent to your attorney. And believe your own experiences. When a family lawyer says it's the worst case of abuse he has ever seen -- believe me, it's bad. It's really, really bad.

I hope you can get some help, whether therapy or Al-Anon, to get through the grief and find your anger. Because this man is not worth your pain or your tears. I'm not telling you to not feel it -- I'm just telling you a man who treats a woman like he treated you is not worth your tears. (((hugs)))

sunday9

I wish I could focus on the bad things.....the bad times, the scary times. I think that what makes my XABF able to leave me - he focuses on what bothers him about me. He doesn't dwell on the good times, happy times...how to fix things. he tried, failed, move on. He can put me out of his mind. I don't know why I can't do that or why it will take so much longer. I mean this man is a full blown, active, hard core, experienced A. And I somehow am fixated on just the good times???!!! Augh!