Thank you, everyone, for your encouragement. I'm just getting home from work. I talked with dd today twice. She currently lives with her dad and rents a room from him. The patrolman gave her a ride home last night. Her dad saw her car this morning where it was abandoned after she was pulled over. He didn't know yet about the DUI, but put two and two together and came home and let her have it. She called me sobbing. All she could say was "he hates me, he hates me." I was in the middle of teaching a class and couldn't talk to her. Later when I talked to her, she had calmed down some. She had reached her aunt who told her that this DUI doesn't define who she is. She gave her encouragement to take this experience head on and make something good of it.
Dandylion, she is currently working and self-supporting. She started college and hated her chosen path of study, struggled with going to class, became depressed after a bad relationship with a narcissistic jock/jackass she met in school, and was drinking with friends to the point of blackout drinking at times. She ended up quitting school and is working now while she decides what she wants to do.
Hopeful, you're right, last night was a night out with friends. Like you say, it could very well have been just a night of young-adult drinking. But my gut tells me she has started to use drinking with her friends as a way to find some social and male acceptance on top of the fun. She's a beautiful, petite little thing who always looks cute when she goes out. She gets hit on by guys and I know it boosts her sense of self-esteem. She's looking for attention in the wrong places. I just don't know if her drinking has reached a point where she should be concerned about dependency. I asked her about that. She said she doesn't think she has a problem. I pray that she doesn't, but in the back of my mind, I know enough about denial to question that. My instincts tell me she hasn't reached that point, but I do think she has turned to shopping for self-medication and I know the potential for alcohol addiction is there. I pray every day that she finds her healing before that point happens.
Lillamy, thank you. DD's situation has been weighing on my mind and heart very heavily for several months now. This DUI will be life-altering for her, but I don't know which path she'll choose...whether she'll seek counseling now, or continue to refuse it and avoid the pain. I don't know if she'll connect the drinking and a DUI to a deeper issue or not. I'm thankful that the phone call I got was about a DUI and not a crash that caused injury or death to herself or someone else. Honest to God, I want to call the trooper and thank him for pulling her over. She told me that he was very good to her...he treated her well and drove her home after she'd been tested and charged at the station. He told her she was the most cooperative DUI he had ever handled. She said she cried and repeatedly told him how sorry she was. She is incredibly embarrassed and ashamed. I pray this will help her to wake up and look hard at the power she has to control her destiny. She has seen herself as the victim up to this point. I just don't know what she'll do. I'm praying for healing.
Single parenting is just so hard. Overwhelming at times. I loathe alcoholism and addiction. I don't talk to anyone about my concerns for my kids because I hate to burden people. Thanks, all of you, for your encouragement.