I do feel guilt for the times in my life that I was hurting and wasn't 100% present for my children. I tried to be present at all times, I thought I was, but looking back there are things I really screwed up. As a single parent I was just trying to get through each day as it came. There are times I should have been more in tune with what my children needed and taken time to focus better on those emotional needs. Instead I was worried about food, clothes, school, work. Just surviving. I thought I was doing better than I was with their emotional needs, but now I'm not so sure. I look at how they've been hurt and it rips me apart.
Right now, I need get through my day. I have to go to work and still try to be my best self there. I encouraged my daughter to contact her dad's sister today. She also got a DUI at age 21 and it resulted in her going to treatment and later becoming a chemical dependency counselor. She's been in the field for 20+ years. She's equipped to give my daughter the right advice and direction. I'm doing a lot of praying right now, seeking guidance and strength. Not feeling like I can share this with anyone is hard. Knowing I need to take care of myself and be supportive of my daughter without enabling is harder than it sounds. I'm just sort of breathing and praying right now.