You had 8 days. You can do it again.
The best indicator of being really conflicted about drinking, is drinking while posting on a recovery site. Been there, got the t-shirt.
You can fully embrace sobriety. It is liberating to not be conflicted, but committed. It is normal to experience doubts and ambivalence. Understand that sometimes you have to push through that.
Get back on that horse lady. You can do it.