I figured out that I'm not an alcoholic; but more of a problem drinker, and that if I wanted to like I have in the past I can moderate my drinking.
I did not drink any alcohol at all to come to this conclusion.
I originally quit drinking not because I was addicted but because a friend of mine died and I was not taking her death well, and drinking would not have helped.
At the time I was in a relationship with someone who turned out to be a major alcoholic and hid their alcoholism from me, and they were into manipulation and made me question if I was an alcoholic or not, and for a short period of time I did believe them.
Then one day around Christmas they were making homemade eggnog, and they had put vanilla extract or possibly rum that they'd bought into my glass of it. I knew it was in there since I tasted it when I drank the small glass.
I did not get drunk and it just made me sleepy. I also did not crave alcohol or drink any of the alcohol in the house even when bottles of beer, wine, and liquor were sitting out or when one of our roommates bought beer and everyone else drank a bottle or two with a meal.
I also had been told by alcoholics that if you can go 30 days on your own without a drink that you're not an alcoholic.
I've gone 2 years and 2 months without alcohol, and I never went to AA/NA, detox/treatment, or anything like that.
I did figure out that when I was drinking a lot in the past that a lot of times it was because I would hang around friends who are heavy drinkers or alcoholics.
No I'm not going to suddenly start drinking again, and if I do drink I will drink only 1-2 drinks at the minimum, and with a meal with friends, since if I drink than that in an evening with friends at a party or bar I do not have an enjoyable time. I have done this in the past many times drinking only one drink or two with a meal, and if I drink in the future this is what I will do.
Right now I am going through some personal things and drinking would not help. So I am not going to drink, or use anything else.