First of all I wanted to say I grew up in a blended family and my brother was a drug addict. He was a lot older than me and I never really understood addiction...then come college and I grew up a lot, I started drinking and hanging out with alcoholics. I drank four days a week. It was the normal college life I figured, and then I moved back home and drank every weekend, but my tolerance built. I worked at a bar and I would drink like crazy. I am over two years sober and have no desire to ever to back to that life, my older brother who's been an addict all his life is doing good and has three months sober. I know that that isn't much in the scheme of things, but his life seems to be back together. It was just six months ago that we went through a lot with him. I realize there is issues concerning him and myself, but my issues have to do with my other younger brother, and most importantly my best guy friend. It was my best guy friend that opened up my eyes to what addiction really was. I met him 7 years ago at work and we became close fairly quickly he was a bit younger than me but he knew my family already, we had so much in common, interests and people and we connected right away. He was dating someone at the time and always in between girls but we always stayed close. We would talk at work, text and hang out at staff parties, when he was single for a time frame we got closer and hung out a bit, after one night of texting all night, we did that often I realized I had feelings for him but never said anything to him. He eventually ended up dating a co worker of ours but it didnt seem to help me move on, this relationship really didnt seem to be going anywhere and he and I stayed close throughout it ... We even hung out a couple of times and he never cheated with me and knew I was the type to not, always respected me, but we were flirty and romantic, we went on a get away and he held my hand the whole time. After we lost our jobs everything started to change. We still talked the first few months, then I really needed him on Christmas Eve and he was there for me talked to me for hours to make sure I was okay. But it was shortly after that he stopped responding to me. For about six weeks I didnt hear from him and I seem pictures of him and heard around town that he looked awful. My reasons for not telling him my feelings were not just the girl in his life but I knew he used drugs recreationally(so I thought) also neither of us had a vehicle and we both lived at home so I knew it would never work...anyways I confronted him one day and he talked to me for hours and he said that he was unhappy with his relationship and life and how the girlfriend was doing bad with drugs he didnt say anything about his using being a struggle. Of course the girl was struggling and was in and out of detox. He also ended up taking the fall for the both of them lost his job, went to detox, got out and a month later committed a armed robbery. Of course the girlfriend got some treatment and got away with nothing, and left him for another guy. I at the time was so angry with her to do that to him. She's doing extremely well right now. Anyways, he did his time and I tried to reach out to him but he would not talk to me. He didn't want to receive my letter. The last time we had spoke was right before he left for detox and I admitted I went to his family to get them to give him help. So he got out of jail and he never contacted me...he would be hanging out with all kinds of girls and looked like he was doing ok and staying in sober living but you could tell he was struggling big time. He was disobeying the rules and going out to the bars and hanging around bad people. He would talk to me some days, he would run into me a few times and talk to me all with a huge smile on his face, and some days he would ignore me. All the while he would like things on my facebook, we even hung out for a bit and chatted at a hockey game. After about the third girl he said there was nothing going on with, but would tell his family members to not tell them where he was, I had three girls in that time message me, two of these girls he was hanging out with and one he was for sure using with, the one he was using with I knew and she had nothing good to say...said he told her how he hated me. The other girl wanted to know who I was and all thought she was in a relationship with a guy she didnt even know what happened and wanted info out of me, he had been hanging out with a third girl other then those two and had relapsed, he told me at that point he wanted nothing to do with me, he told his family he and this girl were just friends which myself and his family believe he was using all these girls because he was still hanging around all of them. But once he relapsed he stopped talking to me all together again and it wasnt long after that he got caught stealing and went back to jail. The girl he was just friends with was the only decent one of the bunch that never gave me any trouble. I am best friends with his cousin and close to his family and they told me before almost anyone else that he was heading to rehab almost 18 hours away. For 6 months. I had almost given up at this point because I seem some of the bad girls writing to him in jail and I was so upset thinking he's never gonna change
. Through support groups and support sites like this I pulled through...yes I do AA, NA, and al anon as often as I can. Im also in therapy, and try to live the best life I can. Anyways once out of jail him and the girl met for coffee and my friend and I happened to run into them. And he spoke to me, just a simple hello and a wave...then the next day he was off on his journey. He is so shy sober. Always has been. But as soon as he got some free time he messaged me..I was so excited. He had almost 5 months clean at this time, we talked all weekend long. It was amazing, like nothing had changed. We talked about everything, and he told me that I mattered to him as much as his family does. And he asked me to hang out when he came home for a visit and was just asking how everyone was doing and being really sweet. He said it was good talking to me and that he would get a hold of me again. A little over a week later he had free time again and he was so depressed. Missing family, missing Christmas and hearing how bad people he knew were doing and not happy. He had to go but he wished me well. I was still hopeful that when he came home in a month I'd hear from him...I never did. He went right back to his user friends. He was only home for a few days everytime but when he did he would be out for hours at a time with these people. My friend and my brother said during this time they seen him at drug houses. I seen him one day driving and he smiled so big and then looked away. I would try to message him and he would read it and get no response. He graduated from his program but his after care fell through and he had to come home. He got another chance at his old job and he had new friends in recovery and his family back and he changed his phone number I really thought he was gonna turn things around. He still wouldn't message me and it wasn't long before he was back to his old self. He lost that job again and went to detox again, he called himself and told his family and they took him. He also called to go back to the rehab to stay clean. He got bus money from his family and went up by himself. He would have about a month clean. From my understanding he's only there for a shorter term this time. I know he doesn't want to come back, but I know his family member that raised him wants him to. I am close with his cousin, but talk to his brother, grandmother and sometimes mother. His father is a deadbeat. I know everything about him and love him very much. I'm just wondering why he won't talk to me, or wondering if he will this time. Im doing pretty good but think about him often. To me he is worth everything, we use to have the same goals for the future, and like all the same things, laugh and get along so well, I know so much about him, his friends, family over the years and it's the same with me. I'm lucky to have his family support, and my family and friends do support me but it is still hard on them as they have never had any addiction issues, except my brothers. I know it would be nice to move forward with someone new but I don't want to...I haven't met anyone that has everything I want in a person like I have with him, and I work nights and don't go out to the bar anymore so I find it hard to meet people, I'm also shy in my recovery, and all my friends are in relationships or are married...or don't get out much cuz they have children, my plan is to go back to school, I start in three weeks and if I don't meet someone there then to move and hopefully a new job , new place, will find it easier to meet people. Just wondering what people's thoughts are, on if because he took matters into his own hands if he's finally hit bottom and if he will talk to me when he's doing good again like he did before...do you think he's embarassed or trying to leave me out of things? Also when he said I mattered as much as family but said me and the other decent girl were the only one thing he had here that matters, what did that mean, he reassured me she was just a friend and she's dating someone else now. I'm told by the family and by the looks of his facebook that all the other girls are pretty well out of the picture, there is a young one messaging him but he's pretty unresponsive to her so I'm not overly worried about that either.