I was a little taken back when I first started posting here. I wasn't nearly as chipper as you sound (I mean that as a compliment) I used to have your optimism, that was just me by nature - by the time I got here I was so beaten down I didn't know which end was up. I miss the place you are in, sort of. You sound so innocent and caring.
I think I asked the same thing - I wanted to hear about success stories - I searched and searched and searched and I couldn't find very much. When I got here "full time" a year ago, I had already been through the ringer. Mine went to rehab and I knew it was sink or swim time and I wanted someone to tell me it was possible.
They didn't. They were nice, but I got about as much confirmation as you did. It put me off. I thought they were bitter or something, yet there was truth and love in their words, I think I knew better than to turn away even though it hurt to read. I figured this forum was for a group of people it didn't work out for - not for me.
My situation couldn't possibly be like stories I was reading here anyway- I mean, I'm different - my A is different, he isn't the "typical" alcoholic. He has a thinking problem and has resentment towards his parents for some things and you know, he had been through a lot in his life - and me being a caring and patient person certainly would not abandon him, he was working on it, really trying. I mean you can't just walk out when someone is struggling. Especially when they admit they have a problem. He was in counseling for goodness sake – what “man” goes to counseling?? Willingly??? He was my hero. And I would do anything for him.
MY situation was just different.
When he apologized for whatever craziness/destruction/violence/whatever he had caused he always told me how I was his best friend and he owed me so much. I am so beautiful. I am the "whole package" - I was the best thing that ever happened to him. That the pain he has caused me is just unbearable to him. It keeps him up at night and that is also why he drinks - he just wants to block it out. He did not understand why he was so depressed all the time, he had a beautiful wife, a beautiful home, 2 beautiful girls, he had no idea what was wrong with him.
I told him it was over in June - moved out in July and was granted an 18 month PFA in September, of this year.
It got worse. I remember 7 years ago, the horror I felt when we argued and he called me a b*tch. Or told me to F-off. Horrified.
Then I remember being HORRIFIED that he broke something in the house.
It is exactly what lill said, it was so gradual it was hard to notice. He gradually outdid himself and he started to say "Yea, but it’s been a looong time since I did/said that"
I was like WTF are you proud of yourself because it's been what 3 weeks since you overturned a piece of furniture --what has my life become???
He had spit on me, terrorized me, hid beer around the house, hit me, kicked me, broke things punched walls, etc. Called me EVERY name in the book – and that is the short list.
I don't respond to posts very much because I'm too new here. But I like to pay it forward and if I do have something to offer I always say "I'm a newbie...but... here is my two cents"
Well I can answer this for sure. I really do hope you can be a success story. I wanted to be one. But I was tired of crying every night and losing faith and all of the other things you are describing – Why would you want that? You don’t have to cry at night – you don’t have to buck up.
But you have to do what you feel is right. You have to feel ready. Only you can decide when enough is enough. That is for sure.
Do you know what my payback is for my steadfast loyalty and devotion? Hate and blame from him and a million broken pieces that I have yet to put back together. I wasn’t special. And neither are you.
Alcoholism has by far destroyed me in ways that I don’t think anything else can. I will never be the same again. Ever. And I liked who I was. I can only hope the new me will better than ever. I start counseling Thursday.
If things work out for you, please come back and tell us. If they don’t – remember to pay it forward when a new person comes on here asking if there can be a happy ending.