I am back on the wagon... damn this is a bumpy ride.
The sister helped me get past my trigger time and the niece talked me through until now when I just got home. I did yard work and house work today and made it through my worst trigger, being alone.
I am going to now eat some ice cream, smoke some cigarettes and camp on the couch until I have to be at work tomorrow morning.
Bottle of water? check
a full belly? Incoming.
anxiety and dread? check.
hope? check.
The AV is telling me i messed up by not drinking tonight.
I can do nothing but lay here and whisper, "you are why this must go away".
It is too late for me to drink tonight and I am ready to just lay down and do nothing but rest.
After my ice cream
