Greetings all, I haven't been here in quite awhile. I have been back reading the last couple of days because I am once again in this place of drinking every night. The following story could be copied and pasted from so many posts... why did I not heed them.
So, I did well for awhile after finding this place last year. I learned a lot about this disease and myself, and set forth a plan that was working pretty well for me. What happened?
You know what happened. I had a beer with an old friend after none for several months. And then a few days later had another after a round of golf. AV quietly whispered, "see"....
In my infinite wisdom I thought about drinking, and that drinking wasn't the problem before, it was how I spent my time. So I made rules for when I could drink. Never right when I got home from work. Always eat first and always exercise first and ALWAYS talk to a family member or friend first... too keep myself grounded and out of that hole I climbed out of.
So who's an alcoholic? This guy right here.
So for the last month or so I have been drinking 8 16oz beers every night (I was only at 6 when I joined here last year), not exercising and not eating dinner, or breakfast for that matter really. I am back at the bottom of this hole. Every morning feeling like total crap, stressing out at work, not talking to friends and family. Just escaping.
"Worked sucked today" drink and process the day. repeat, repeat, repeat. The exact same place I was in last year. Start blaming work for my stress, when yes there is work stress but 95% of that stress is because I am hung over and not eating well, or exercising.
I am still coming up with a better plan. I know I am going to two things differently. I am going to ask my sister for help me with distraction after work, and I am going to try AA. I don't know if I am into their beliefs etc, but it isn't going to hurt me to go to one meeting.
I feel bad for posting all of the above. Ashamed and disappointed in myself. But I sucked it up and posted anyways because I know I am not the first nor the last to do so and I would receive nothing but open arms here.
My biggest fear is going to bed tonight sober. I hate how I just lay there unable to fall a sleep, and how when I do start to I get a jolt that wakes me back up. But I also remember even though the night is no fun, I feel better with little sleep sober than any morning after what I am doing now.
So slow that wagon down, I'm hopping back on. Any spot will do.