I have been going through a lot of things, this is pretty difficult for me. I don't have anybody who I can trust or confide in. I've been up this entire night arguing within my own self, I've been contemplating whether to go into a recovery home (which I have NVR been) since October 2013 I was working 2 jobs and going to school, I had my own place & strong work ethic I was even supporting my alcoholic mother. I had several valid "excuses" to not go into a rehab center. I thought I could cope on my own, now I have come to the harsh reality that I am an addict and have been for 11yrs now.
I actually just admitted it.
I realized this in June of this year when my whole world came crashing down. A serious of events happened to cause me to lose everything & I mean : both jobs, school, sense of pride/accomplishment, and worst of all my home. I no longer have anything, all the years Ive gotten lit never did it get in the way of my priorities/goals alone I've watched it spiral out of control, i guess my critical mistake was not thinking it could happen to me, believing that I wasn't a tweeker, thinking to myself that I actually have never been addicted.
But that fact of the matter I am, I'm ashamed to say even believe it I've always been able to make it through the storms of life being strong for my mom & those who I thought were my friends & I guess I forgot to be strong for the person who matters most ME. How can I even take care of anyone when I've neglected to take care of myself? Upon the realization of all this I've been on a binge since September 20, it's now Oct 5 . I'm feeling terrified, gulity & several other things. I plan to do what I have to do to make recovery happen. I don't know where to start or what to do what I fear the most is will I succeed?
Thanks for listening whomever you are. Finally I got that out of the darkness within my heart.