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Old 10-05-2014, 06:25 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Alone & afraid, an addict who desires for a change. (NEW-NEWCOMER)


I have been going through a lot of things, this is pretty difficult for me. I don't have anybody who I can trust or confide in. I've been up this entire night arguing within my own self, I've been contemplating whether to go into a recovery home (which I have NVR been) since October 2013 I was working 2 jobs and going to school, I had my own place & strong work ethic I was even supporting my alcoholic mother. I had several valid "excuses" to not go into a rehab center. I thought I could cope on my own, now I have come to the harsh reality that I am an addict and have been for 11yrs now. I actually just admitted it. I realized this in June of this year when my whole world came crashing down. A serious of events happened to cause me to lose everything & I mean : both jobs, school, sense of pride/accomplishment, and worst of all my home. I no longer have anything, all the years Ive gotten lit never did it get in the way of my priorities/goals alone I've watched it spiral out of control, i guess my critical mistake was not thinking it could happen to me, believing that I wasn't a tweeker, thinking to myself that I actually have never been addicted.
But that fact of the matter I am, I'm ashamed to say even believe it I've always been able to make it through the storms of life being strong for my mom & those who I thought were my friends & I guess I forgot to be strong for the person who matters most ME. How can I even take care of anyone when I've neglected to take care of myself? Upon the realization of all this I've been on a binge since September 20, it's now Oct 5 . I'm feeling terrified, gulity & several other things. I plan to do what I have to do to make recovery happen. I don't know where to start or what to do what I fear the most is will I succeed?
Thanks for listening whomever you are. Finally I got that out of the darkness within my heart.
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Old 10-05-2014, 06:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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The good news is that while you may not "know where to start" - you already have.

You've taken one of the hardest, most important actions - you've said to yourself and to others "I want this to stop".

You have found a good place and you CAN change your life for SO much better.

Welcome.
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~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
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Old 10-05-2014, 06:32 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Really glad your here welcome to sober recovery
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Old 10-05-2014, 06:32 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Welcome, sheblowclouds! You can do this. You will find a lot of support and understanding here. Take good care, and please keep posting.
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Old 10-05-2014, 06:42 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheblowclouds View Post
Finally I got that out of the darkness within my heart.

Hi and welcome. That is a huge step for many as it shows honesty about your situation and acceptance of the situation. As a factual thing many of our negative situations we put ourselves into turn positive IF we totally abstain from our addictive practices. Itís that simple, I didnít say easy. It takes long term work and change.

BE WELL
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AA IS NOT A SENTENCE, ITíS A REPRIEVE.

ALCOHOL-ISM= INCREDIBLE SHORT MEMORY.

I CAME FOR MY DRINKING AND STAYED FOR MY THINKING.

WE ARE NOT FAILING AS LONG AS WE KEEP TRYING.

WHAT I USED TO CALL BOREDOM I NOW CALL SERENITY.
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you all for the postive words its encouraging, one step at a time right?
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you that's exactly what I have been needing some support and I plan to continue to post especially once I figure this whole forum thing Out the operations and icons.
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:15 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Sheblowsclouds,
Welcome...and WOW. I don't know how to do that "quote" thing yet but I really resonated with what you said about always taking care of others while neglecting YOU. That's my story and I'm learning how to take care of me-even though it doesn't come natural.

You are absolutely right and you so deserve to put yourself first right now. You need to focus on you and becoming strong again. The exciting part is that YOU can choose this. You can do this! There are so many people here to encourage and support. Come often, stay long!
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:18 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Sheblowclouds, actually you do know what to do, ya showed up here. Use that shame and guilt to your advantage and yes you will succeed, rootin for ya.
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Welcome.
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Old 10-05-2014, 07:53 AM   #11 (permalink)
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I don't know where to start or what to do what I fear the most is will I succeed?
Oh yes, that was exactly how I felt. I had no idea what succeeding would feel like because I was so used to failing and making a mess of things. It almost felt comfortable. But, early recovery is not comfortable because it's full of changes. The good news is, that you can do this. You can step into the light and recover.
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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 10-05-2014, 08:04 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Welcome clouds and thank you for sharing. This is a wonderful place where we all support each other. We know you can succeed and this is the start. You can lean on us!
It is very brave of you.
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Kind of liking this sobriety thing.
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Old 10-05-2014, 08:08 AM   #13 (permalink)
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"How can I even take care of anyone when I've neglected to take care of myself?"

Well said. So true.
WELCOME here!!!!
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Old 10-05-2014, 08:27 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Welcome

You have indeed taken the first step. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired. There are multiple paths but they all require abstinence. For me I
  • Went to an Md for a baseline on my health and detox
  • Enrolled in Intensive Outpatient Therapy
  • Started AA while I was attending IOP
  • Attended AA 6 days weekly
  • AA and SR

Today 5 years down the road I still go to 3 AA meetings per week, am active on SR, and seeking professional help for other issues in my life
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I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


Came back to life 7.24.2009
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Old 10-05-2014, 08:41 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, I'll always reminded of that. Oh yeah I also figured out how to quote but only the use entire thing... Under neath each comment there is an icon its Tue once that says quote. I think it's near the thank you icon
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Old 10-05-2014, 08:43 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Neferatmicheal, your right now is the time thank you for your encouragement
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Old 10-05-2014, 08:46 AM   #17 (permalink)
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MI recovery thanks for the advice, I'm definitely going to have to look into that I know it's definitely needed
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Old 10-05-2014, 09:21 AM   #18 (permalink)
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MI recovery thanks for the advice, I'm definitely going to have to look into that I know it's definitely needed
One thing I have learned in sobriety is no amount of thinking is going to get us sober. It is what we do that makes all the difference
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I've dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself


Came back to life 7.24.2009
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:24 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Detoxing feels almost like you want to die. Just got to try to distract myself, will read as many forums I can hopefully that will help.
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Old 10-07-2014, 01:58 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I'm late to this thread but welcome sheblowclouds
If you feel concerned at all please do see a Dr - detox can be rough for some of us.

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