Dandylion, I am well-versed in the workings of therapy, for better or worse.
I am not financially ready to leave at this point anyway. Barring some sort of huge blowup at our first session (which is generally not the pattern he follows), I will not be surprised to attend multiple sessions. And at all times we will take separate vehicles. I never drive with him anywhere anymore anyway.
It his reaction to my suggestion, and his behavior since I scheduled the appointment that smacks of another desperate attempt. Faced with the idea that we will be talking about our relationship with an outsider (he falls squarely in the category of "you don't need to be talking about our relationship with ANYONE") he is once again pulling out all the stops to be as nice to me as possible and trying to moderate his drinking so he can walk in the door of that office and declare that this whole thing is MY problem, and that his drinking plays no part, because he has been nothing but pleasant with me and is only having a few beers every day. It is the exact same pattern he followed during our ill-advised visits with our pastor back when I had any hope that our marriage could be saved.
The whole issue came up the other evening when he was badgering me incessantly at home about the way I had answered a question he had asked. He had been drinking, and I had zero desire to engage him. I kept my answers brief and non-inflammatory, and finally came to the end of my rope because this was all happening in front of our son. I finally said "I am happy to talk about our relationship with a marriage counselor, but don't want to discuss it any more in front of [4yo son]." A hundred million years ago, when I thought this would all get better, I would ask him repeatedly to go to marriage counseling, and he would always retort with an angry refusal, usually coupled with a sexist and/or racist comment about who he was sure I would select as a therapist. This time, his answer was "ok, let's go." So, I found a counselor and made the appointment a few days later.
Like I said...I know I'm done. I am not in a financial position to leave at the moment, but if this will give me an opportunity to talk through my feelings with someone qualified, present an opportunity for AH and I to improve our communication skills as we face co-parenting together, and give me a safe place to raise the issue of divorce, then I'm happy to go for a few sessions. The sessions are free and I certainly don't have anything to lose. What my AH gets out of it, if anything, is his business.