auroraxborealis

Hello, all.

I was sent a FaceBook invitation to my AXBF's family event this upcoming Sunday. It's his dad's and nephew's joint birthday party. For anyone who has tracked my threads, I worked with X's dad and am very close with him, and his nephew is one of the kids I had for a while during X's sister's crisis. So, whether or not X and I were ever together, I would be invited.

My struggle comes from choosing to go. I would love to. I love his family dearly and the nephew is turning 13. I have a blanket I'm making for him. And of course, I love his dad.

Last birthday party of his family's I went to, X dumped a water balloon on me. As a joke, apparently. The joke is on him, because his family all seemed to think it was a mean and immature thing to do.

I don't want to make things awkward if he is there.

I guess I should stop this whole story and say I'm not sure if X will be there because he is currently in an inpatient rehab facility. His 90 days will put him released in about three weeks. If he gets a pass to go, he will be there. As far as I can tell, he hasn't had a pass since the Great Waterballoon Incident of September (as I like to call it, ha!)

So again, not sure if he will be there. I've been welcomed to his family with open arms, and was friendly with them before even meeting X. His older sister (nephew's mother) is putting the whole thing together and was the one to invite me. She has told me from day 1 that if X and I ever broke up, she and I don't have to break out friendship. That's the consensus everyone has given me (well, all who have said anything to me).

The advice I have received on here has been to seperate from the family for a while. I have done so, kind of. I have seen the family, but am no longer staying weekends with them.

As for me, I've been sick with the flu/cold all month! So I've been sleeping a lot. But on a serious note, I've been reading through this site, finished Codependent No More, reading other books on addiction/recovery/codependency. I hung out with some old friends over the weekend, that was good. Cleaning my room up (ugh!) and trying to wrap up some projects I have laying around. Oh, and setting up my new computer!

I still miss my X so, so much. And I still drive myself crazy thinking about him. I guess I'm doing that whole trying to rationalize the irrational thing: why this, why that, why me, why us, why?! And I still get sad thinking about the fact that he cheated on me and dumped me. But, I've read on here that cheating and addition are not hand-in-hand, so maybe the cheating is the boundary he crossed that can't be fixed. I'm having a hard time accepting that. Very hard. I never didn't want to be with him because of addiction, but I never thought he was an active addict, either.

I'm worried that by being at this party, and if he's there, it will be awkward. Everyone knows (most of) what happened, and I don't want to infringe on his day out to spend with his family. They are his family, after all (see, I'm slowly getting it!) But I don't want to stop what I would regularly do because of him. And I'm worried his sister and nephew will be hurt if I don't go. I kind of feel like I should just put on my big girl pants and say who cares if X is there, I'm going to have fun! (Maybe that would be more appropriate if it weren't his family's funcion?)

I know I'm worrying a lot about what could or couldn't happen, but I'm just looking for some thoughts.

I've been invited to other things his family will be doing, but not ones he will be at. That's why I'm worried about how to deal with this one.

Thank you for reading.