Originally Posted by
Altoids 
I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. God bless you for caring for her during her final days. I know how difficult that is to do. It is immensely stressful and difficult to do any form of self care during that time. Please cut off your brother for some time while you have time to heal from all of that and get some sober time under your belt. Be selfish about this. YOU need to come first now.
Thank you! It sounds like you have been there yourself. I never dreamed how stressful care taking can be! In addition, I had no help from anyone, not even my brothers. So it took a giant effort. But, I would never have left my mom to live alone thousands of miles away in a house she could not manage. And I would never put her in a facility. But, that is not the point I guess.
It is hard for me to take care of my emotional needs. I feel selfish doing that. Was brought up to deny yourself and help others. And I try to help people, including my brother. He has been a long time alcoholic who has destroyed his life and is now drinking himself to death. He wants to die and has stated so many times. I can't help him, although I have tried many times over the years.
One thing my mom said before she passed away is that I should take of my brother when she is gone. How?? I think he has alcoholic psychosis which is why he thinks I killed my mother.
So the question is this: how does one start to take care of themselves when all of their life they ignored their needs and put others first?