Bjo

This will be my first post to well.. Anything ever so please don't mis the spelling and grammar. I am 7 days sober today. I haven't actually had a drink in almost 2 months but 7 days free of c and mj. I have been attending meetings almost everyday and hoping to get into a program in the next few weeks. I'm extremely depressed and lonely I will be turning 30 on the 11th. My parents are having their annual Canadian thanksgiving party/my bday celebration on that day. I have a huge family and 75% of them drink and excessively. I'm scared I really don't want to be around or put myself in that situation but it's that or spend the big 30 alone and I'm only assuming contemplating suicide ( I am seeking treatment for depression and add among my other problems and have made several attempts in the past with one really close call) I'm just so scared and confused as to what I should do. The last few hours I have been researching ways to spend your birthday sober and the suggestions are good and all but going to a spa ( not my thing) taking a bath going out for dinner (alone) overindulging on sweets and reading a book seem to be the only things I can find. Go karting was mentioned but I can't do that alone. Besides I drive for a living and the last thing I want to do is what I'm doing all the time. I struggle to sit thru movies with add There is bowling but it's (disco bowling on Saturday nights and it's way to much like a club I also associate bowling with drinking since I hate bowling when I'm sober and really who bowls alone. I have 2 friends one lives a few hours out of town and the other will be out of town celebrating thanksgiving with his family. So I'm really stuck on how to get over this hurdle of my first sober birthday. Another suggestion was to goto a meeting and tell them it's my bday, but I'm very new to these groups and I'm really having trouble making friends in recovery I can hardly bring my self to say "I'm b and I'm an alcoholic" without having an anxiety attack and sweating thru my shirt. I know this doesn't really matter but there seems to be a huge age gap in the groups I attend and having common interest and mutual things to discuss is an Issue with the current fellowship I'm with. Not to mention I'm in way over my head with the discussions I can't understand any of the view points or spirituality the add kicks in and my mind is everywhere but where it needs to be. In the past my birthday was a huge deal lots of friends lots of drugs lots of drinks and all in all a really fun experience out on the town. I know it's just another day and I should just try and stay focused on being clean but for some reason this seems to be eating away at me. does Anyone have Any advice on how to get thru this "family party/ bday" without having a relapse or mental break down? I just can't sit there and watch everyone else drink and expect to be okay Should I not attend? If not what can I do alone and I can only assume deeply depressed? I have a really hard time finding places to go that aren't a bar after 10pm ( what do people in recovery do at night? I love seeing live music acts but that also involves going to a bar.i noticed there are Lots of options during the day for things to do sober but it seems the only source of entertainment at night involves being at a bar. and with the research I have done it's looking pretty hopeless that I will be able to get thru that day in the presence of my family or alone. Thanks for taking the time.