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Birthday ideas

Old 10-01-2014, 12:49 AM
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Bjo
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Question Birthday ideas

This will be my first post to well.. Anything ever so please don't mis the spelling and grammar. I am 7 days sober today. I haven't actually had a drink in almost 2 months but 7 days free of c and mj. I have been attending meetings almost everyday and hoping to get into a program in the next few weeks. I'm extremely depressed and lonely I will be turning 30 on the 11th. My parents are having their annual Canadian thanksgiving party/my bday celebration on that day. I have a huge family and 75% of them drink and excessively. I'm scared I really don't want to be around or put myself in that situation but it's that or spend the big 30 alone and I'm only assuming contemplating suicide ( I am seeking treatment for depression and add among my other problems and have made several attempts in the past with one really close call) I'm just so scared and confused as to what I should do. The last few hours I have been researching ways to spend your birthday sober and the suggestions are good and all but going to a spa ( not my thing) taking a bath going out for dinner (alone) overindulging on sweets and reading a book seem to be the only things I can find. Go karting was mentioned but I can't do that alone. Besides I drive for a living and the last thing I want to do is what I'm doing all the time. I struggle to sit thru movies with add There is bowling but it's (disco bowling on Saturday nights and it's way to much like a club I also associate bowling with drinking since I hate bowling when I'm sober and really who bowls alone. I have 2 friends one lives a few hours out of town and the other will be out of town celebrating thanksgiving with his family. So I'm really stuck on how to get over this hurdle of my first sober birthday. Another suggestion was to goto a meeting and tell them it's my bday, but I'm very new to these groups and I'm really having trouble making friends in recovery I can hardly bring my self to say "I'm b and I'm an alcoholic" without having an anxiety attack and sweating thru my shirt. I know this doesn't really matter but there seems to be a huge age gap in the groups I attend and having common interest and mutual things to discuss is an Issue with the current fellowship I'm with. Not to mention I'm in way over my head with the discussions I can't understand any of the view points or spirituality the add kicks in and my mind is everywhere but where it needs to be. In the past my birthday was a huge deal lots of friends lots of drugs lots of drinks and all in all a really fun experience out on the town. I know it's just another day and I should just try and stay focused on being clean but for some reason this seems to be eating away at me. does Anyone have Any advice on how to get thru this "family party/ bday" without having a relapse or mental break down? I just can't sit there and watch everyone else drink and expect to be okay Should I not attend? If not what can I do alone and I can only assume deeply depressed? I have a really hard time finding places to go that aren't a bar after 10pm ( what do people in recovery do at night? I love seeing live music acts but that also involves going to a bar.i noticed there are Lots of options during the day for things to do sober but it seems the only source of entertainment at night involves being at a bar. and with the research I have done it's looking pretty hopeless that I will be able to get thru that day in the presence of my family or alone. Thanks for taking the time.
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Old 10-01-2014, 01:38 AM
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Welcome to SR, Bjo! It's good to have you with us. That can be a challenge! I'm in my forties so birthdays aren't a big deal to me- I like to avoid mine! I really like going to the movies and actually would rather go alone than with someone. I'm not the kind to chat through a film, I'd rather not be distracted. If you don't care for that I guess it's out, but there must be something you like to do. Sounds like reading, watching a film at home or maybe playing a video game would be decent ideas.

Hopefully someone will have better ideas than I do! Congrats on starting down the road to sobriety. It can be tough especially in the beginning but life gets better and better once you ditch the booze.
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Old 10-01-2014, 02:35 AM
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What a hard a difficult decision to be faced with so early in recovery. I don't know where you live or what things you might enjoy doing but here are a few that may interest/be available to you: cinema, evening classes, walking (dogs if you can borrow one), jogging (see if there is a local group that meet in your area), get creative, or go Geocaching. (Lifesaver any time, any place & completely free)
Have you tried joined an online depression forum? I found it helped me at times, as does SR and other online help forums ( though triggers are rife on certain sites!)
Check out other avenues like local mental health charities, joining a 'tidy up' group, volunteering etc...
I would not attend a party on my birthday where there will be alcohol involved.
I have no advice regarding what you should/shouldn't do other than to make your sobriety the single most important thing in your life above ANYTHING else.
Without my sobriety I may not have another birthday to look forward to & my sobriety date is now the more important, to me, of the two.
Birthday: 38 years old next
Soberday: 06/10/13
Almost a year in & looking forward to the next and the next and the next and forever, one day at a time

Congratulations and welcome x

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
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Old 10-01-2014, 04:44 AM
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Hi Bjo and welcome. Congratulations on your sobriety, 2 months without alcohol and 7 days without drugs is huge and you should protect that with every ounce of your being. What a wonderful birthday gift to yourself that would be. I'd skip the party.
You said you like live music. I assume that means you like music in general.
I would suggest treating yourself to a birthday gift. Go buy a new album you have been thinking about. Set yourself up somewhere comfortable and really give it a listen. I love music too, but often find it hard to get through whole albums as I just don't have the time.
But it is your birthday and YOU DESERVE IT! Make the time.
I find that I (bear with me, this is going to sound weird) like to listen to albums laying down on the floor with the lights off. It takes away most other stimuli and I can focus on the music and how it makes me feel, what it sounds like, what I like and don't like.
If you aren't into camping out on the cold, hard floor, you could buy a concert DVD instead of one of your favorite bands. For example, I love Led Zeppelin and have several concert DVD's of theirs. You could buy one or more of a band you like and compare the shows, thinking about the period they were in in their career and taking note of the differences in the performances.
This is something best done alone (therefore taking friends or lack thereof out of the equation).
I wish you a very happy, sober birthday. If you want a really good laugh, google The Quietus Coldplay review. I'd post the link but it is so offensive, so full of foul language that I'd rather you find it on your own if that kind of writing appeals to you, saving you from the shock if it does not.
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Old 10-01-2014, 05:24 AM
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fill up on pasta on the 10th and do some gardening, write cards out for extended family, make a goals list of where you want to be now, tomorrow and a years time. remember your last drink,drug, not your first. Tell me the best part of recovering. Have a shower or bath with bath salts, healing, magnesium. pretend you have all the love in the world. Sit in the dark and cry and feel, you are a good person and I want to know you.
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Old 10-01-2014, 05:44 AM
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Once a year, I literally make a year-long "strategic plan" for my life. A little bit more intense than New Years resolutions. I start with considering about 5-6 broad values - what are the big things in life I most value? I then identify some larger personal goals that will align me and my life more closely with those values, and THEN I narrow things down to the coming year - what goals should I have for THIS year that move the ball forward towards my larger goals, and that align me more with what I truly value. This might be a fulfilling, motivating exercise to engage in on your 30th birthday - sort of starting off the new life chapter with a plan that moves you closer to the person you want to be.

On a lighter note - have you searched www.meetup.com for activities and groups near you that you might be interested in?
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Old 10-01-2014, 06:22 AM
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Welcome to SR and congrats on the clean and sober time you've accumulated.

As for your dilemma, you either make sobriety your priority, or your birthday. Seems like you can't do both.

I'd say skip any celebration. Make to age 31 sober, you will have a lot more to celebrate. And you will have figured out how to do it without drinking and drugging.
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Old 10-01-2014, 06:30 AM
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Well, what are your interests? There is a place here that has started offering weekly painting classes. It's a print of their choice (next week is Halloween theme), you pay a fee, they supply everything and guide you through it. It's great fun and the other people there are great. I tried it by myself and ended up having a wonderful evening.

What's on your life bucket list? Do you want to go somewhere fun, bunge jump, what gets you going? Pick one and give it a go!

I know our local newspaper and TV news web sites have a calendar of all the events going on in our community. Can you do that and see what is offered?

My question is, are you being open and honest with your family? Maybe you need to tell them how you are feeling about all of this so they can support your sobriety in a better way? I know if someone in my family told me they are working on sobriety I would NEVER drink around them.

Good luck to you. Please stay sober, that is the best gift you could ever give yourself!
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Old 10-01-2014, 07:23 AM
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I also think you should avoid the party.

As you can see from other responses, it takes a mind-shift to come up with ideas that you will enjoy. From my personal experience, volunteering is a great way to spend time and meet sober people.
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Old 10-01-2014, 08:10 AM
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Give yourself the best birthday present you can: sobriety.

Do whatever you have to do to ensure you can do that, including skipping the party. Tell a lie if you must, say you're sick with something - which is actually the truth - and just do something you enjoy instead.

You're not letting anyone down by putting your sobriety first.
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Old 10-01-2014, 09:08 AM
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It is your day, don't worry about pleasing others by attending. This is all about you, especially at this point. Get out of town, look up a long lost friend. See a movie. Buy a pet. If you worry about being alone on this birthday, consider the fact if you slip up and fall back in, you may be alone for the rest of your birthday's..in a box in the ground. I am celebrating my 40th birthday sober in two weeks. I am already living it in my head, without the booze. You can too, you just have to picture it. You can do this. 30 years old is a brilliant time to regain you life. Wish I did back then. Don't miss another day.
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Old 10-01-2014, 09:11 AM
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Whatever you want. Visualize it. Make it happen.
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Old 10-01-2014, 10:00 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Bjo!!

My last birthday, I booked the day off work, had a sleep in, went to a coffee shop and had a huge triple choc chip muffin and had a read of a good book for a few hours, I then went on a walk by the seaside, I hadn't done that in a long time.

In the evening I rented a few movies, stocked up on snacks and ordered a pizza, I was in bed by 11pm, but I was Sober, I was proud that I'd finally made the important change to my life!!

It's your birthday, you can do whatever you want, sometimes we give alcohol far too much power, as if it's the key to our happiness, that's one big fairytale, we now get a choice in how we live our lives!!

You can do this!!
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Old 10-01-2014, 12:39 PM
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Hi, Bjo! My birthday is the 11th, too.

I have to agree w/ the others who say that you should avoid the party. As to what to do w/ yourself on your b-day, I don't see the harm in going out to hear live music-- but find some place that has artesean non-alcoholic beverages. That way you can have a fancy drink w/o having any alcohol.

However, if a bar/venue that serves alcohol is going to be too triggering (and it sounds like it might be), then my fellow posters above have already offered up a good quantity of suggestions. Hang in there!
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Old 10-08-2014, 08:14 PM
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Bjo
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Hello.

First of all I would like to tank all of you for your wonderful responses. It's actually amazing to hope on here and have a lot of support and great ideas. I'm glad to say that I'm still sober. This being day 16, im still on the emotional roller coaster but things are getting better and I'm becoming better at deflecting my negitivly. I have not logged into this site for days fearing that no one would have responded and to my suprise there are so many wonderful people who are willing to help and give advice. So my apologies if being ignorant. So the big day is approaching fast and I have decided that I will attend my family function but I have a back up plan in place just incase things get to intense. My friend who lives a few hours out has promised me that he will be there for me of it need him. And as for the bday. It's going to be tough I know. But my family and cousins have my back and will be there for me all day and all night if I need them. As far as recovery is going, I'm happy to report that I will be attending a day treatment program at my local hospital starting next week. And I have been doing meetings ca aa na and some step study. Working on finding a sponsor and things seem to be improving. Once again I'm sorry for not getting back to this earlier but it's amazing to know that support can be found here to. So thanks once again you guys are amazing and actually made my day!
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Old 10-08-2014, 08:38 PM
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Have a great sober birthday Bjo

D
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Old 10-09-2014, 05:07 AM
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Do any of your family not drink or are take-it-or-leave-it drinkers? Can you invite them to an informal sober celebration of your birthday on a different day?
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