I'd like to hear an update. I don't need to though, because fear that I already know why you haven't been back.
I will tell you that it is clear that will power alone will not get you there. I'm sorry if I'm offensive, but I am direct. You say you're "very committed", but what are you doing about it? Are you in a rehab, an in/out patient program, going to AA, seeing a therapist or addictionologist.
I think you should be more honest with yourself. Admit that it is a serious problem and you are 100% unable to control it. It is a VERY HARD realization to come to. I'm not coming from a "holier than thou" stand point. God knows I've been struggling with alcoholism for 22 years. But your story is all too familiar and almost never does it end by saying, "I'm not going to drink anymore". You wouldn't be here unless you knew there was a problem. And I wouldn't be here if I had all the answers like it seems I'm saying that I do.
You can walk into AA and not say a word. IF they come to you, say, "My name is Mary (or whatever) and I'll pass".
Honesty with yourself is the first hurdle in your way, I'd suggest you leap it.
GOOD LUCK ! It is hard, but worth it !!
I'll be checking in. (c: