Pippi, you are young, smart, capable. By letting go of anything from your husband, you put the center of your life on YOU.
I found that I had a lot more angst when I centered myself on HIM. I think it will be freeing, though it may be frightening at first to depend only on yourself. You have to believe in yourself, and that took some time for me.
My therapist said something very interesting recently. He was talking about the now proven beneficial health results of meditation. He gave this as an image to meditate upon.
Imagine two garbage bags. In the one on the left, put all your past issues, troubles, everything. In the one on the right, put all your future issues, troubles, worries, hopes, everything.
All that is left is you, right in the middle, with only this moment to meditate on.
Then he added, what you do in the future is dependent on what you do with this moment.
It was hard for me to give up assumptions about how I would be living in the future when I first left my husband. I clung to objects at first - I thought I had to have my beautiful giant dining room table and hutch. I think it meant family and holiday dinners and community to me. And it was my 10th anniversary gift from my husband. I think it was a visible reminder of when he loved me.
It didn't fit in any place I looked at living. So finally, with some real grief, I left it behind. But I missed it and longed for what it represented to me.
Now, I don't want it. I bought a much smaller round table that seats 6 and fits right in the center of my dining room. I hauled along my fancy china and glassware. They are stuffed in a small corner cabinet. Now I think I may sell them on Ebay. I won't be doing any of those big formal family dinners anymore. My grown kids are now hosting them, and it is their turn. I had my turn and I loved it, but now it is my turn to turn that over to the next generation.
I think I will get a smaller set of sassy, eclectic dishes and some very fun glassware. Maybe piece by piece from fleat markets, stuff that has a general theme and look, but doesn't necessarily come from one set.
That would please me. Now. There are many opportunities out there in the future that you will open yourself to when you let go of your past.
ShootingStar1