Have you come across the example we use here to "put on your own oxygen mask first, then try to help others"? If we don't get our help and our life figured out, there is no way we can deal with out alcoholic parents. We will just die with them, trying to figure out what to do all the time. Focusing on us first gives us enough stable ground to deal with them in a more positive way for us instead reacting out of panic or guilt.