I agree with Dee when he said that what you're experiencing right now is that your AV is messing with you, trying to divert your attention from the one thing you should be focussing on. Sobriety. It's hard to do that. The pull of alcohol is very strong but until you are able to tell your AV to shut up, or until you are able to ignore it, it's going to continue to create enormous risks that you will resume drinking. "To handle stress just for a little while" your AV will try to tell you. "Just one or two drinks because the stress of not drinking is so bad." And the whole nasty business will start all over again and you will be drinking, losing jobs, etc. as before, probably worse. Starting to climb the mountain is really tough at the beginning but unless you can keep your focus on that it won't work. It gets better later on. The road up get's easier. Less risky.
W.