Maybe I'm currently unable to put my thoughts together correctly. It is all over the place right now. I meant will I be able to handle the stress of losing my house and possibly moving to a new state? I'd have no other place to go and it may be easier to find work there in my field.
Going on a week sober now and this all feels like a bad dream. I suppose the anxiety of not drinking is adding to this growing feeling of hopelessness. You know those dreams that are so vivid you think they were reality for a few seconds?
I keep waiting to wake up. Literally. I keep thinking I'll wake up any day and none of this ever happened. My mind simply can't accept it. I don't want to jump back in the bottle that put me here through my addiction, and that caused so many other problems over the years. That's my main motivation for not doing it. Somehow I need to file my thoughts in the appropriate folders. Maybe I need a shrink. Without insurance that's not happening. Ugh...sorry for venting.