I think outward jealousy displayed by me when drunk was really a bitter resentment towards myself for having not fulfilled my true potential. I would hear that someone had climbed a mountain or was having great success with their new business and I would feel sick. I would convince myself that it wasn't that hard, or that it was a waste of time or that they were just born privileged and given the opportunities I never had. I just couldn't be truly happy for other peoples achievements because I was trapped in a pit of despair and inner turmoil. I knew deep down I was full of potential and I was wasting it everyday. The more I wasted a day by drinking the more I wanted to drink to forget the day before. I was failing myself and everyone around me and I knew it. I became and lived my own worst nightmare, I was famous and infamous for it in the city I grew up in. It was hard to escape. When you feel like that, when you know you are betraying your true ability in life you truly do resent yourself as much as everyone else around you. Show me an alcoholic that is really proud of who they are. If they say they are they probably haven't accepted they're an alcoholic. My insecurities and jealousy stem from an unfortunate place, I would argue I was dealt a bad hand from the start however that is never an excuse to resent other people or their success. Life isn't a competition. You will never be the best at anything because it's always circumstantial or subjective. Forget what everyone else is doing and focus on you. If you feel jealous over anything at anytime, under the influence or not then you have problem that needs to be addressed. Consistently address it, look for the root of the jealousy and rationalise it, dissect it and then learn how pathetic and wasted an emotion it really is. I still get the sting of jealousy from time to time but my way of dealing with it now is WAY more manageable than it used to be, especially now I am sober. Sometimes these emotions are so deeply rooted it takes years and years to gain a sense of control over them. Just don't give up and don't accept it.
The immediate feeling of jealousy cannot be helped, it is not your direct fault that you feel jealousy.
You can however choose how you deal with it.
1.Dependent upon whether you have the intelligence to analyse the psychology of the root of the jealousy you may or may not be able to help yourself.
2.If you don't not have the capacity to do this on your own then seek help through CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy)
3. Remain ignorant to change and live your life as a bitter, twisted and hateful individual that sucks the life force from everyone around you.
It goes without saying alcohol will impede the progression of options 1 and 2 yet fuel option 3.