I remember, in my cups, I had a raging inferiority complex. I'm talking, I just sat in the couch and drank bottles of wine every night and snarked my way through the evening, watching out the window at all those other people who didn't have my struggle filled life.
God, it was a miserable existence.
My pity pot was huge. Enough to feed the world. No one had it as bad as me. And the more I fell into that trap, the more I justified drinking. Woe is me. Wash, rinse, repeat.
When I started getting serious about not wanting to feel like I was going to die everyday (aka "Sobriety") slowly I started gaining some self respect. Not gaining it "back" because I never really had any. But simply by putting one sober foot in front if the other, day after day, regardless of how life kicked my butt that day, I started finding my footing.
And I started to genuinely like myself. Who knew that underneath all the booze and substances, there was a really cool broad in there that was just waiting to be freed ?
Not in an Ego based way, where I thought I was better than everyone else. But, finally, in sobriety, I started to feel like maybe I wasn't the waste of space I had come to believe I was. That I had become as a result of my addiction.
It took time. And commitment. And failure. And recommitment. And a genuine willingness to listen to those that are having success with sobriety and following their lead. There is so much wisdom here.