I can relate to some of what you said. I'm 39 and at around 35 I started saying I needed to know if he was ever going to want kids. Never got a proper answer, kept in limbo. He said our relationship had some issues but he never seemed to want to actually work on them, blah blah blah. We've been together for over ten years, we have a fine relationship aside from some minor fights about house cleaning etc. It was so hard for me to hear that he wanted everything to be perfect because I knew it never would be and all the while time was running out. There was one brief window of time when he suddenly wanted kids and I got pregnant. I lost it at 3 months. We both needed some space after that but when I was ready again he'd changed his mind. Drove me mad. I can relate to going off sex as soon as the condom comes out because it reminds us that he is avoiding pregnancy once again. Maybe one day, honey, but not this month. When then??? Anyway, he seems to be open to the idea now but who knows how it will work out, don't have a lot of time to try and succeed now. Geez.