I have wondered now and then why some of us make it and some of us don’t.
The only conclusion I can come to is that some die so that others can live. If nobody ever died of alcoholism then there would be no examples, no reason to stop and no reason to stay sober. The pain we see in others is because we escaped and we do not wish to go back.
I could never see the pain of another alcoholic until I was sober. We are examples too. Examples to the ones that are still stuck in the vicious cycle. The sober alcoholics are the ones that give the active ones hope. Some see what we have and they want it.
I give a lot of credit to those that keep coming back, Keep trying. Keep working to get to the place were they do not need alcohol anymore. That takes a lot of courage.
I used to wonder why my brother spiraled down so fast and took his own life at 18? Why did my ex-husband, the father of my children, take a bit longer but died at 49? Why in my short time in AA have so many gone back out and died?
Why did I get sober at 44? Why didn’t I commit suicide or have my body give out on me? I sure was depressed enough at times and I sure drank enough to cause the medical problems. Why did I get the spiritual awakening now instead of 10 years ago when I first went to AA?
There are no answers really. I just have faith that God has a plan for me.
Today I am grateful recovering alcoholic.