There is a book by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitative Relationships that you may find very interesting. It is about the original bonds we form with parents and others as children that are destructive yet necessary to our living (as children). The theory is that we repeat these dynamics in relationships in subsequent years until we address the initial trauma. Carnes gives lots of good advice about how to get out of this cycle.
I found it to be one of the best of the many books I read, along with Melody Beattie's Co-dependent No More.
ShootingStar1