Originally Posted by
cazzap06 
''so I was dismayed when a member suggested that I make no major changes for six months after coming to Al-Anon'' am not sure if I agree with this advice , what is the man is violent? People DIE from domestic violence , so wait 6 months and risk being killed?
Is there a different ''rule'' for domestic violence cases?
Surely you just do what feels right for you?
We all c*ck up and make mistakes but when is too soon and when is too long? It is a fine line I suppose and I do sometimes think of the ''what if's'' which is NOT helpful really
All I know is I had to leave when I did , the ''what if's'' are about what if I'd left sooner?
It is how it is right now I HATE how it is right now have already left the situation but the consequences live on and I have no CHOICE but to wait now and you are right , if I do something HASTY I usually regret it not because there is a time limit on it but because I want to PUSH things forward rather than wait patiently and the fear is ''I don't want to wait in vain'' but then I express the fear and pain etc and get everything else which goes with it off my chest and then there is some perspective to the suffering at least
Regarding DV I posed this question to several with considerably more time than myself. They said if someone is in eminent danger or the kids are in eminent danger they would tell them to RUN for cover and safety. They would give advise. They would provide information on resources if there was no financial ability to leave immediately. I thought when I got to alanon my story would be the worst of the worst. After hearing some of the stories of females on here and alanon where they where being physically abused and completely overpowered by an abusive drunk realized how wrong I was. I think back to how helpless and scared I was as a child when my drunk mom and step dad would take turn beating my a$$. Trying to reconcile the emotions when that is your spouse that you vowed before God to cherish in sickness and health. Factor in the kids. What a mess. Makes me angry and sick to think about it. My old neighbor used to beat her 80yo husband with a broom handle to make him pull weeds all day while she drank her brandy and water. All the way up till 4 days before he died. He had 4 broken vertebrae when he went to the hospital and died days later. I told my wife just before the big blow up that I was not going to be Bill when I was 80yo while she sat in a lawn chair in the shade getting drunk whacking me in the head with a stick while I pulled weeds. I told Marge my neighbor that I had weed killer that would solve the problem in about 5 minutes. She said she did not need weed killer because she had Bill. I found years later that one of my other neighbors had actually called Adult Protective Services on her bit they never did anything. I had never even thought to call them. Guess I just thought if he wanted to defend himself he would. IDK. Now I know it had progressed to this through years of abuse and grooming. Crazy how our perspectives change with knowledge. Knowledge earned the hard way.