Thanks everyone - I'm pretty sure I never had bipolar disorder, I saw quite a few people when I was 17 (and since) and that's never come up, just straightforward clinical depression, incidentally mixed with a LOT of anxiety problems, always much much worse of course during hangovers (took me YEARS to recognise that one!) Obviously giving up the booze is going to be important (I like the drowning image Kelkel...well not exactly like but it's useful
), I'm just wondering if maybe alcohol was always the main cause of my mental health problems in my case - my 'breakdown' which precipitated all my meetings with psychiatrists, etc. could be pinpointed to one day, and it was the first time I was ever really really really hungover. I just couldn't cope - massive anxiety, brain rushing with completely unstoppable intrusive thoughts (I though I was becoming schizophrenic at one point), almost unable to function socially. And those feelings then remained for a long time (to some extent up to the present day). Maybe I've been 'self-medicating' with the very thing that's actually been causing and therefore prolonging it this whole time.
I know I should be careful not to expect miracles when I stop drinking though, as came up in my meeting last night - and I'm wary now of quick highs as much as my lows too. Gosh, I'm turning into a regular AA groupie! Which must be a good thing!
cheers
tommy