amy,
like the others i would recommend u get an awareness of alcoholism. there is a lot of info here and alanon can also give u info packets to help u understand the rollercoaster ride that ur riding on. u can get off of the emotional ride with awareness, support and guidance. try not to take all of this personal. it is not about u, or whether or not u are worthy of a good relationship. i mention this, because ur husband has a very similar pattern to mine. i always called the process the dance. i've been trying to sit out the dance for quite a while. i've considered calling the cops, calling his family, many many crazy thoughts, and in the back of my mind, i realized down the road, i was just trying to control his drinking and drugging. that my dear, is totally futile, and will not happen. try to focus on urself, and do what my counselor told me to try. she said pretend that we're normal. he is a grown man and i am not his mother, and he needs to do what he needs to do. if that involves drinking, drugging, lieing, destroying his relationship with u and perhaps destroying his career, or ending up in jail, step aside and let him. the important thing that u need to remember is not to clean up after him. alanon helps teach all of us affected by addiction and alcoholism how to detach with love and step away from our part in continuing to fix everything for them. don't get sucked into a fight. keep urself safe always, and get away for the time being if his using is impacting u. try and make ur life better for the day. supportive healthy friends and family and alanon or naranonmembers can truly lighten ur burden.
big hugs to u from sugar.
p.s. piggle, i love u, u are my role model!!