Originally Posted by
SoberHappyHour 
So every time I think I've got this down and start feeling better and normal again, I figure it's ok to drink again. Then, of course, the cycle continues and I have feelings of regret after doing so and feeling like crap again. It's such a vicious cycle, and I wish I can just embrace the great feelings of sobriety and continue forward through life feeling great rather than my brain telling me that now that I feel alright, I can go drink one night once again. Do any of you go through these same things? Very disappointed in myself, but I'm not going to give up. I'm going to continue to try and try until I get my sobriety back because it is definitely worth it. I almost want to to change my phone number so that I don't get my "friends" tempting me with texts and phone calls to go out and have some drinks.
Hey Sober,
I can relate as this was also me for four years. As you can see, I joined this site in 2010! I spent four years going back and forth between trying to quit and trying to get as drunk as I could every night. Four years ago I made it ten days (my former record) and then drank again because I felt better and I simply wanted to.
Dee's post made me just realize that I was still trying to control it. I wanted to take a week off and drink. Or maybe a month and then drink. I never actually wanted to stop from 2010 until June of this year. I was hoping against hope that I would somehow stop wanting it as much and I'd just settle into drinking a few beers here and there, hopefully only on weekends, hopefully no more than that. Hopefully the hangovers would stop then if I could just stick to once a week, month, year. In the end I had this wonderful plan that I would only drink on New Years Ever. Yep, that was my plan. Or maybe also on my birthday, so just
two days a year. And throw in a few week moments so how about seven days a year. Man alive, I bargained every which way and how to keep the door open just a sliver to be able to drink again in safety and peace. When I had the thought in the very back crevice of my mind that drinking was still an option I was going to drink again.
The best way to describe what changed can be summed up by every cliche an bumper sticker slogan about sobriety. #1: I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had drank enough quantity to really damage my body and mind. Physical damage to where I actually did not enjoy drinking anymore. I had to drink myself sick, literally, to stop wanting it. Maybe this was some form of aversion therapy? So, I stopped enjoying it. I was miserable drunk. I ws miserable hungover. I was miserable all the time! I didn't even get buzzed anymore, but the hangovers kept getting more and more severe.
So, what took me from where you're at to over two months without the booze was just pure desperation. I tried desperately to escape through getting drunk but that stopped working. I had no choice but to throw that same desperation at sobriety. In the end, I was desperate.
Desperate, yeah, but I still needed daily reminders to check in here every single day. It kept sobriety on my mind all the time because I missed parts of it.
I had to treat myself like I had a wicked flu for about two weeks. Cut out all stresses and even fun. Me, on the couch with my laptop, a bottle of soda, a box of licorice for the sugar cravings, a bag of Fritos (why not?) and Netflix marathons of happy TV shows like Full House.
I wish I had stopped before it became so hellish. I rode my elevator nearly to the bottom. There were health issues starting as well. As the old saying goes, if I can do this, you can too.