I so appreciate the time and wisdom you all put into your replies. I'm sorry it took me so long to respond, the situation got so uncomfortable I spent the daytime hours out doing things with my granddaughter and niece in order to not have to watch my sister drowning in vodka. There was just not time or space to share all the specifics previously, this has been going on for 13 years, living with me for 8. There has been AA, (court mandated) jail, therapy,
Dr. and hospital visits, ultimatums and I have gotten her out of here before. She actually stopped drinking for 2 years. With my husbands help, we formulated a letter to my sister. A month ago we had a long talk with her during a rare sober morning. She has had many, many opportunities to get it together and have all the help and support in the world, as you can imagine. I have begged pleaded and offered the sun moon and stars to help and tried to get her the right kind of assistance. You all know how it is- they cry, say they're going to change and get help, and ooze self loathing. I've told her I'm not equipped to give her the accountability she needs, and will take her to anyone and find her help.
She has just flat out told me one has to be "ready" and she is not. So we told her a month ago she had a week to get to the Dr. and tell him her addiction and start there with what he recommended. I took her for a physical, and of course with the 3 year old in tow could not go back with her. She told me he said she was FINE. Yeah, right. So then I said you must check with your insurance and find a rehab. And a group. She told me she checked, and her insurance wouldn't cover it. Yeah, right. So then I said, if you are not willing to get treatment then you must begin finding another place to live. She agreed and then of course did nothing but drink and hide from me.
I don't give her money, she does work at a restaurant and pays me rent. So I've never bailed her out or paid her bills, but she's never lived on her own. She went in and out of my parents in between husbands (3 winners) and came to me after they died and the last husband left. I won't even go into all of it but it's like a Lifetime movie how awful it's been.
Sadly, I don't miss my parents or brother and I probably won't miss my sister a lot. It's hard to miss people who never add anything, just take or abuse.
But I felt like we were all she had left and I think I've just been trying to keep her alive. Her last husband nearly killed her. While my dad was dying in the hospital, she moved in some guy she met in a bar straight out of rehab, she later married him but they all but destroyed the paid for mountain home my parents had built. We lost a ton of the value on it after dad passed. She squandered her inheritance, the husband left her and she lost their home. I had NO idea how bad it really was until I moved her in "just to get back on her feet". This was right when my last child graduated 9 yrs ago and moved out.
Soooo, over the years I've learned a lot about codependency and realizing I have EVERY trait of the adult child of alcoholics minus the substance addictions. I think my addictions were religion and people.
Still working on the people part, had enough a few years ago of the cult like church we were in and am pretty much done with organized church.
Our niece who is 23 just came to stay for a while (long story for another day) and my sister has latched onto her like glue, rambling incoherently constantly. It's really all quite nauseating. I'm just utterly over it. Of course I love her, but it's just not enough anymore. I'm tired of being the "nice" one.
Anyway, since sister is clearly not going to try to recover at this point, we gave her a 6 week notice. I'm aware of the eviction laws, a police officer told us all that when she was in jail last time. I'm trying hard not to feel guilty and in some ways I am already grieving the loss, as she never makes it on her own. I will let you know how it goes, she says she's going to a weekly hotel. If I have to, I will take steps to make her leave, but so far she seems like she will go willingly. Maybe I'm just being negative as my brother died at exactly the same age and I see no signs of her being any healthier. But I know I can't do this anymore. The stress is killing me and I refuse to put my grandgirl through what my parents made me watch growing up. You never really get over being the one who has to empty the urine/vomit bucket for your grandmother every morning before school as she drinks bourbon all night and can't walk.
Oh my God it's awful even typing that. Yes, I have gone to counseling but it never helped, maybe I just never a had a good one.
I feel like I dodged a bullet, not being an addict or alcoholic like everyone else in my family.
I think this is why I try to rescue and take care of everyone but ME.
Thanks for rallying around, I really need it
