Hmmm...sounds like you have some existentialism going on here Robby? I am sorry you are struggling friend. However, I can't help but think this turmoil you face is to indeed make you stronger and the reality of what you are feeling is growing pains, as you cross into the next level of personal growth?
The following comes to mind:
Am I my thoughts, the thoughts that I am thinking? No. Thoughts come and go; I am not my thoughts. Am I my body? They tell us that millions of cells in our body are changed or are renewed every minute, so that by the end of seven years we don’t have a single living cell in our body that was there seven years before. Cells come and go. Cells arise and die. But “I” seems to persist. So am I my body? Evidently not! “I” is something other and more than the body. You might say the body is part of “I,” but it is a changing part. It keeps moving, it keeps changing. We have the same name for it but it constantly changes. Just as we have thesame name for Niagara Falls, but Niagara Falls is constituted by water that is constantly changing. We use the same name for an ever-changing reality.
Mello, Anthony De (2011-08-31). Awareness (p. 48). The Doubleday Religious Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.