An update on my own situation: when I initiated my little "courage to change what I can" air-clearing discussion with my husband awhile ago, I ended up not clearing the air at all--in fact, I said something so clumsily that my husband grossly misinterpreted it and believed me to have committed unspeakable acts!
The whole time he was on the anniversary trip and since, he had been carrying this horrible weight--and yet he managed to be civil and even kind! (He was putting the advice I mentioned above into practice and considering others--me--before himself).
When he finally confronted me a couple days ago on the dreadful allegations, I was shocked! All I could say was, "Sorry! I must have really miscommunicated! It's not true!"
I'm such a stutterer and blurter-out f2f that I sent him a short e-mail apologizing and assuring him that I loved him and thoroughly appreciating the magnanimity and wildly Christlike character he had shown me in the past few weeks. I never had a clue of the depth of the pain he was struggling with--and compared with him, I felt sheepish! My concerns seemed petty and selfish!
But I wouldn't have been content unless I had aired them. So I did. And, though, they caused him pain I was totally unaware of, it was more of a blessing than I thought; it made me appreciate him far more deeply than I ever had before, so it ended up being worth the temporary pain for him, too.
At the time one of you all had advised me that I couldn't change others--I could only change myself. That is true! The HP had plans of changing me in an amazing way that I wouldn't have imagined in a million years! I
appreciate my husband once and for all!
Now if I could just stop being such a diva in the household...
