Wodge,
Your ex realizes the depth of your attachment! A's like to keep their codies on the string in case they want or need something down the road. If you get out of her talons then she will have to deal with her life and consequences without you if she reaches out! There is a saying around these parts "A's don't have relationships...they take hostages!
Have you thought about a counselor well versed in codependency and addiction? Keep moving forward.... no contact.... recovery work and in time you will be happy and free again!