When I was with my XA I didn't drink the entire 4 years! After we split up for good I went out and had a glass of wine! Now I find being able to actually have a bottle of wine in the house "without fear" very liberating. Many people have a healthy relationship with alcohol... Others have suffered greatly. My dad died in his disease, my xa almost did and my A brother is not far behind. They cannot drink... But they do by choice.
Your brain is firing and dumping chemicals by association... Keep looking for truth and recovery.