spia

I am not the alcoholic in my life. I am the sober one. Yet, my relationship with alcohol is so UNHEALTHY.

Alcohol has taken a good fifteen years of my life. It killed my mother and is quickly killing my marriage. So many of the important milestones in my life were negatively marked/blemished by alcohol.

I am resentful. I am angry. I am bitter. I am hurt.

I am also learning to deal. I am learning to move on. I am learning to forgive. I am learning to be brave. I am learning to be content.

But, here is the thing....when I see alcohol or anything relating to it... I CRINGE!!! I start to feel all of those negative things that make me go crazy!

I see the happy hour signs in the diner's window and do not want to eat there!

I see a mom post a picture on facebook of her breast fed baby that says 'milk drunk' and I go NOOOOO. I hate the word DRUNK!

I notice myself judging those around me that drink (when I have no reason to be concerned). My sister has a new boyfriend and he had a beer and I instantly want to crawl in a hole. I am also fighting the urge to tell her to break it off with him. That is CRAZY!!!! He has done NOTHING wrong. He could very possibly be a normal and responsible drinker.

However, my life has been so negatively impacted by the bottle that anything to do with drinking is worrisome to me.

I really hope that as I move forward in my own healing that this part will go away. I hope that I can one day not want to hide from every commercial on tv, every "drinking" joke, and just every day life!!!

Is there any one that has felt the same way?

Santa

I think those feelings are totally natural given your experiences. The other day I heard the morning drive idiots on the radio hee-hawing about drinking and nearly wretched.

spia

It all just makes me so uneasy!

WendyOR

I know I am struggling with this as well. I really am!

spia

It sucks because it's EVERYWHERE!!!!!

robgt350

yea i hate alcohol, i can tollerate others drinking, but i dont want to be around it too

KidsR#1

My AH and I realized how often it is advertised on tv, in magazines, movies, etc after his first rehab. It really is everywhere!

BoxinRotz

I don't let it bug me anymore. I don't look at spoons and get uneasy because some people are fat.

peaceofpi

Ugh, I have some of the same reactions.

With Facebook, when a person constantly posts photos of drinking (or their drink!) or makes positive comments about drinking, I think, "that is not a safe person, and I don't want to be around them." I think on FB you can choose to not see feeds from certain people.

A few years ago, when I smelled someone reeking of vodka, I had a physical reaction of nausea. Now, when around people drinking in a social situation, it's beginning to not bother me.

WendyOR

I was at the State Fair the other day with my daughter who is 9. We had been there for a long day and we ended up wanting to go watch some bands there. Local bands. I know two different gentlemen that play in two separate bands... they are brothers, just in different bands. I used to wait on them when they would come in after playing. Anyhow... what is right next to the bands? Beer stands. No biggie, right? So we sat there and listened and had a great time. However, I would see some people go get one, and I felt kinda uneasy, but again, none of my business. But there were at least 10 people that kept going back again and again. Sis, again, 9, says mom... that guy went to the beer stand 4 times and got two beers each time, and that makes 8 beer! I just looked at her and said... I am sure glad that isn't us sis.... we had fun eating our fudge huh!?

spia

I think my wounds are so fresh still that I do have a physical reaction to it.

What is worst my mom doesn't even understand. I recently separated from my husband. My first night at my parents I had a very bad emotional night. Told my mom that I couldn't sleep and she suggested I drink some wine to relax. I just looked at her bewildered. Like really? I'm here without the man I love because he is drinking. Now you want me to solve my problem with the problem? Lol

WendyOR

I agree with you. My friends will say let's go have a drink and catch up.... I think? Uh? Really? And that whole notion of having a drink to relax is so awful to me. UHM.... HELLO? Are you wanting me to cope in this way, getting me to relax with a drink? How about, a hot bath... a relaxing cd of that does relaxation therapy? Why a drink? People just don't get it?

merrygoround1

I was never a big drinker. In fact, I somehow was all was the designated driver. I enjoyed having wine. I stopped drinking completely with the bottom fell out of our lives. At first I thought it was a way to help AH with recovery. The house is alcohol free and lets all be supportive-type of attitude. However, I realize now that we have separated and there were two too many duis and trips to the hospital that I just don't want to drink. My dreams were shattered by it and I still haven't grieved that loss enough. I am trying to find a new peace. It is easier for me to blame the alcohol and not the people involved, the AH or the enablers. One sip BURNS going down.

PunchDrunk

I don't keep alcohol in the house anymore. I find myself cringing mentally and starting to shut down when those around me start talking about alcohol-related activities. I am trying to be very mindful of my reactions and learn from them to improve myself. Easier said than done, but I take it one day at a time.

torquemax777

Not that long ago, I told my AH right in front of a mutual friend (one

that he grew up with) that when he talks about drinking and about

booze in general, he may as well be saying that he is going to go out and find/buy

a guy to do sexually explicate things with and that he is going to swallow

the guy's ****. I used much more colorful language in the real

conversation, but that wouldn't be appropriate here. The friend agreed,

as she feels the same about people who drink in excess.

He REALLY hated that. as he has a problem with sex in general; even

when he's sober. He can't even handle it on TV, and will change the

channel or rant if a sitcom is making sexual references or bantering in

comical way about sexual issues; he LOATHES it.

It didn't work to make him quit, but it sure felt good to sort of hit him

where it hurts so-to-speak; both with the reference, and the fact that

I know that embarrassment is a real issue for him, saying it in front of

one of his childhood friends who AGREED with me, made it a double

whammy. Kinda reverse "quacking" but like I said, it sure felt good to

say it at the time. I tend to be passive aggressive.

The point is, I truly do feel that disgusted by it; and like you, I have a

very difficult time being around anyone who has been drinking now,

even if they aren't even alcoholics!

hopeful4

You know, the other day I was a the nursing home visiting my grandma and I sprayed some of their hand sanitizer on my hands. It smelled so much like booze it was amazing the horror I felt just smelling it. It literally made me feel sick. I can have a glass of wine myself and be fine, but that particular smell was just like the hard liquor my X usto drink. It's the smells that I associate with his drinking that makes me ill.

Yuck.

Hockeyerik

I get tired of all the commercials for beer making it all seem so glamorous and the life of all parties. I don't quite get how alcohol companies can advertise but cigarettes can't. Yeah and people who say things like I can't wait to get home and have a drink bothers me too. My reaction and judgment to that is almost the same as if somebody said I can't wait to get home and shoot some heroin. It's just as destructive in my experience.
Maybe I will get over it eventually but it's still a sore spot for me right now.

HopefulinFLA

I too am a little disgusted with all the alcohol advertising, and drinking songs. They all make drinking sound glamorous, fun, sophisticated, or elegant. It's not any of those things to those of us who have witnessed the ugly side of alcohol.

I'm starting to see bar owners in a different light as well. They are people who make their living off of the short comings of those who are very unwell, kind of like drug dealers.

Frankly it all just makes me sick.

Hopeworks

When I was with my XA I didn't drink the entire 4 years! After we split up for good I went out and had a glass of wine! Now I find being able to actually have a bottle of wine in the house "without fear" very liberating. Many people have a healthy relationship with alcohol... Others have suffered greatly. My dad died in his disease, my xa almost did and my A brother is not far behind. They cannot drink... But they do by choice.

Your brain is firing and dumping chemicals by association... Keep looking for truth and recovery.