Originally Posted by
herradura 
I love not drinking, I like the effects of feeling good, being productive, etc, but still think I need to drink one last time.
Need? Last time?
How many last times do you need?
To be honest, when I first got sober, I would have entered a convent in the first month if possible. That's how much I needed to not be anywhere near alcohol.
You ask when this all gets easier to understand. Yes, it all gets easier. But sobriety has to be your No. 1 priority, not a passing fancy with built-in plans to drink (and a lot, from what it sounds like).
How about not going this year and making sobriety your priority?