Problems with fellow member
I've been attending Alanon meetings for nearly three years now; spent several years involved with CoDA, both online and face to face before that - which helped enormously, but then for various reasons I realised that Alanon was where I needed to be. I've also been in and out of therapy for most of my adult life - again, very helpful. I have no problem with the notion of a HP, and revived my own spiritual faith about 10 years ago - which, in turn, has helped enormously when working 12-Step programs.
At the moment I am working on setting boundaries in my life in general; largely with overbearing, controlling people. These days I don't know very many, and have successfully distanced myself from them. One of my character defects is over-tolerance, and staying too long in harmful situations.
Unfortunately... the most insistent controller in my life is another member of my home group. When I was still new, she moved in on me very quickly, offered to take me to another meeting which she considered better than the initial one that I'd intended (I tried it, and didn't take to it; a bunch of very controlling women), was very insistent that I didn't need to believe in God to work the program - and when I told her I did, she continued to insist quite forcibly that I didn't need to. It was altogether a very unpleasant experience and if it weren't for the fact that I'd already attended a few meetings there before I'd met her, and my previous experience in CoDA, I wouldn't have come back.
I've seen her do this with other newcomers, and I've never known any of them come back either. It could be that they wouldn't have done so anyway; it could be that they've found a home somewhere else of course.
It's only recently that she's been regularly attending our home group (the one she dismissed to me as "tissues and issues") - when it was intermittent rather than regular, I had no problem - I'd just treat her snippy comments in the same way that I would anyone else, and not engage at all - but this is really, really not what I come to Alanon for. Otherwise, I love my home group and it's far and away the best one for me round here. Last time I went (nearly two weeks ago) she took exception to the way the meeting was being run, but instead of raising it in the meeting, she waited until the end, started shouting at the leader and stormed off. For a long time, I've been aware that part of me, mentally, throws up barriers when she's there, and I don't feel comfortable sharing as openly as normal. When I was preparing to go to last week's meeting, I just thought 'No'; and didn't go.
If I can just share this... it was when I caught myself thinking: "Crikey - I can understand why her ex-partner drank!" that I realised this scenario is really doing my own recovery no good at all.
I'm thinking of dropping out of Alanon meetings altogether, and concentrate on working on my recovery online - and just see how I get on.
Any thoughts?