I am sorry, this has to hurt, a lot.
I can relate my experience was that once I stopped talking to my XAH about his past mistakes and just the future, the talks got a lot easier. I did not engage in any blame game, if he said something I wanted was "unfair" I simply said that's fine, we can take it to court and let a mediator decide. Amazingly, it shut him up very quickly. I said it calm and with concern. I explained that I did not want to be unfair to him, nor would I allow him to be unfair to me. Don't be afraid to say "No, that is not acceptable," just to keep the peace.
I did suck up a lot of student loan debt that I could have gotten a better shake on, but it would have taken time, and I wanted a divorce, and I wanted it quickly. I drew up what I wanted and sent the papers to him. He then revised and we did it that way back and forth until we agreed. I think it was easier that way b/c we did not have to talk so much.
Huge hugs to you.