WASHINGTON (AP) - A private jet of undetermined ownership crashed Sunday evening
shortly after takeoff from Norfolk International Airport, killing the sole occupant of the aircraft.
Witnesses reported that the Cessna Citation jet was not configured properly for
takeoff when it attempted to takeoff without permission from the Norfolk control tower.
Preliminary reports seem to indicate that a white duck somehow managed to access
the aircraft whilst the regular flight crew was otherwise occupied. A flight plan was filed
by unknown persons for the flight, indicating an international flight to Toronto.
Although NTSB officials will not release an official preliminary statement before
Tuesday, local witnesses insist that they witnessed the animal pulling the chocks,
jumping in, firing up---and taking off from a parallel taxiway.
" It was unreal---like watching some crazy AFLAC commercial---except it was
really happening. The aircraft never rotated, but went off the end in excess of 200 knots
and exploded in a huge fireball. I mean, what was that duck thinking? It had no hands to
pull the yoke, was not tall enough to see out front----just unreal!"
Unnamed sources close to the investigation confirmed that the flight data recorder and
cockpit voice recorder were recovered intact, despite severe fire damage.
"We should get some useful data off the FDR, but so far the CVR has produced little
fruitful information....to whit...
"quack,quack,QUACK! QUACK!!! QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!" (BOOM) end of recording