Empowered, but scared....
For 27 years, alcohol has controlled my life. I was 14 when I had my first drink, and sometime this morning, I had my last. Jesus, just typing that is scary.
For many years in my 20's, I drank every day. I knew I was an alcoholic, planned on an early death, and was OK with that. I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. I was a miserable, selfish person. I took what I wanted, said what I wanted, did whatever I wanted - all because of booze. I was the life of every party, bought booze and drugs for many people, all to make me feel better about myself. If I wasn't under the influence of something, I was not comfortable.
Every day of my life I think about alcohol, when I drink, I don't know how to stop. I can't dump out any booze, even finishing other peoples drinks for them. I don't keep any in my house, because when I do have some around, it constantly calls to me.
My wife was pregnant with our youngest child 14 years ago when I stopped drinking - so much. I resigned myself to only drinking on the weekends - once or twice a month. That progressed to getting to every weekend, and gradually more. Alcohol is a staple of so many parts of my extended family, that when we get together, we drink like crazy. I tied a pretty good one early this morning, with them. This was only the 3rd time I drank since May 1st, but it was enough.
Today, my wife told me she is ready to leave me. I need to be sober.