Originally Posted by
knb02 
Forabetterlife : I use to resent not being able to drink but now That I have accepted that I am a functioning alcoholic, giving up has become slightly easier.
When my AV screams at me, I am more angry with my addiction as I absolutely LOVE being sober. It's a battle as you say but it's so worth it.
It's 5.30 pm and In the past I would have consume nearly a bottle of wine by now. I would have crashed out on the sofa for an hour and then woken up feeling horrible, lost, suicidal, depressed, ill, fuzzy, angry, confused, teary.
But not this Sunday. I am calm and have a lot of inner peace. And I am so proud of myself that I could cry. You can't beat this feeing of self worth. You just can't.
Have a lovely Sunday everyone
What a difference, right? It's like night and day. Amazing Applekat!
I absolutely love being sober, don't get me wrong. I think my problem is that I still have this irrational, unrealistic wish that I can feel THIS good and drink (without the consequences and the obsession). I know that makes NO sense. Even right now, my kids are at friends' houses and I am alone, which is very rare. I keep thinking how much I would LOVE a beer or a glass of wine right here out in the open (I hide it from my kids). But here's the thing...then what? Its only 3pm and I never stop once I start, I only pass out. And if I start later, I just end up staying up later so I can drink more. And no matter what, I will wake up furious with myself. So what's the point?
I hope I can get to a point where I am at more peace with it like you Applekat.