Sc277, I think most of us have been where you are right now. You talk about alcohol as a positive-having a drink at your wedding, feeling punished by not being able to drink etc...How about the flip side? Without alcohol, you won't be awake suffering from anxiety, you won't blackout and wake up on the bathroom floor, you won't risk hurting yourself or someone else while driving under the influence.
I grappled with the same questions as you. This is a great place for support so hang around, read and keep posting.