"I realize I am SOOOO codependent on him, and he is codependent on me. How do I know this? Being alone in the house almost made me want to die."
This is exactly how I am feeling as well. Friday my girlfriend had court (charges for stupid stuff that had happened when she was using) and we were expecting the case to be dragged out and what not but looks like they already gave her her best offer that she is gonna get, which is going to jail for 3-4 months rather than 5-20 years. 3-4 months is nothing, but also I know it's gonna feel like 5 years. I'm future tripping and I HATE that none of this is in my control. I've been trying so hard to ask god to just ease this pain for us but it's hard. I like what you said about asking god "to kill me or remove this burden from my heart" cuz it just really hits the nail on the head.
But it def seems like you're on the right path by going to meetings and acknowledging what's bothering you and reaching out. Try letting go and just letting god take over. Hugs!