Nuudawn

Thank you! That really resonates with me today. I think I was in an absolute "dither" about how powerless I felt to ease my discomfort and anxiety. I think I was driving myself positively mental in trying to "sort it"...rather than leaning into it and simply accepting it.

Tonight I read something in a book I am getting a lot out of it (when I pick it up from time to time : ). It's called "Addiction & Grace" by Gerald May.

Anyhow, when I came upon this passage I felt a pang in my heart. Bullseye I guess.

"When we are especially attached to a bad self-image and its associated thoughts and feelings, we call ourselves depressed. We all know what this kind of depression is like. It is different from major psychiatric depressions, which stifle life energy. An addictive depression has an energy all its own; it feeds on itself and on our attempts to overcome it, just as any addiction does. And even though it feels awful, we cling to it because it gives us a solid sense of who we are. We become accustomed to it, addicted to being depressed. For most of us the attachment is transient one that follows certain blows to our egos; we wind up kicking ourselves out of it before it goes on too long. Others go into therapy and try to find a somewhat better self-image to substitute. But some of us make a life long habit of it; it's how we really feel about ourselves, way down deep.

The author went on to talk about prayer and how it involves listening. Listening? This was a new one on me. It got me to thinking about meditation and how perhaps I am overcomplicating it.

Moments later I was in my truck and just made a conscious effort to be still in the space..and listen. I cannot describe the peace and...refreshment I felt...just being quiet...listening..observing my own thoughts and listening to the messages being brought forth.

In one example of something that is causing me a bit of anxiety, when the thought crossed my mind (the anxiety inducing one) I became "attuned" to my very real sense of fear and what I was truly afraid of. It was amazing.

All I can say is I have now decided to make a conscious effort to take the time each day to just be still...and breathe...and listen.

Thanks all for for your thoughts...PK, Raider, Gotgrace, SJ